My Apologies

I am so sorry, dear fans of the Tangent Boy. My attentions have been elsewhere recently. What makes it worse is that I have been concentrating on other blogging efforts. Is that cheating? Should I feel dirty?

One of the reasons I started Tangent Boy was to provide a vehicle for me to get used to writing on a regular basis. That was so it wouldn't be so hard when I finally get going on a bigger project which, I can happily say, has kicked off. Don't expect any great writing, just long-winded descriptions of one of nature's most simple delicacies...

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the pre-release version of the Zealots of Za website.

The other distraction has been the preparation of our trip out of the country for the holidays. Of course, I had to create a blog about that as well. If you are a real glutton for punishment, feel free to track our voyage by going to ragz.com.

That's all for now. I promise I will return at some point with worthless rambling exposés on topics of little importance.

G

Is it Wrong... ?

As many of you know, I am a pretty staunch vegetarian. This is a choice I made over 10 years ago based primarilly for ethical reasons. Knowing this, do you think it is wrong or hypocritical that I could go through and entire 3 lb. bag of animal crackers in one sitting?

Please, Sir. Can I Have Some More Cottage Cheese?

So, for the past eleven days, Robin (my way-better half) and I have been on a diet. My first diet in 36 years of existence, in fact. It's not like I am a fatty-fatty, but I do have a little bit of a tire in the middle that forces me to wear kinda baggy shirts now and then. As you know, I do love the pizza and burritos. But, don't worry, I still have the long, skinny, chicken legs capped off by a lack of cushioning on the backside. It would be ideal if I could just rearrange the extra flesh, but alas...

Anyway, we were turned onto this diet so aptly named the "Idiot-Proof Diet". The appeal is that they pretty much guarantee that you will lose 9 pounds in eleven days. Another plus is that it is not a starvation diet. You are allowd to eat till you are satisfied, but not full. Lastly, they have a vegetarian/vegan version and I seem to be a sucker for anything that is a veggie-friendly version of a non-veggie food. Our freezer is constantly packed with various mock-meats since I feel it necessary to support any company who makes the effort to acknowledge us as a valid market.

The catch of this diet is that you are told exactly what you can eat, and it is fairly lacking in variety. You get four meals a day that can either be categorized as protein or carb meals. Each meal is usually one type of item and that is all you get, although you get as much as you want as long as you don't fill up too much. Some days it is almost all protein meals, somtimes all carbs, and occasionally there is a mix. I think the point is to keep your metabolism guessing, which keeps it running on high.

Day one (Monday) was quite a start. I was stuck in a 5-hour meeting at work when they brought in about 10 pizzas for lunch. PIZZAS!! DAY ONE!! Didn't anyone get the memo? I sat there and grumbled into the first bowl of cottage cheese I have ever eaten. Since then we have gone through THREE LARGE TUBS of cottage cheese a the house. If I never have another spoonful, I'll be good.

By day three (Wednesday) I was grumpy if anyone talked about food around me and I already had lunch plans for the following Friday to go to Anthony's as soon as the diet was done. Then I went to work out on day four and got on the scale. I had lost four pounds in three days. Wahoo! I could do this.

Let me get this straight for other first-time "idiots" trying this diet. Weekends suck! You are allowed only one glass of wine a day. What's the point? One glass makes you want another. The second glass either makes you want a third or makes you want to sleep and it isn't till the third or fourth do things really get good. Not to say that we need to get boozed up to enjoy the weekend, but if we are gonna go out on a Friday or Saturday night we are either going to eat or drink. We spent our Saturday night at the Super Target. I bought four pairs of boxers and two new pillows.

Just when I thought, "you know, this ain't so bad. I can do this for a while longer," the mother of all bad-days-to-be-dieting hit. Halloween. I had bought six bags of bite-size candy bars. Two bags each of Snickers, Reece's cups, and Kit-Kats. I was thinking that we normally don't get a ton of kids to come by, so I was already thinking ahead to day twelve when we could tuck into all the leftovers for breakfast.

I didn't count on the weather. A big reason we don't usually get a lot of trick-or-treaters is that Halloween in Denver is quite often a wet, cold, even snowy event, and most of the kids do their begging in malls or they just stay home. This year it was a gorgeous day and was still fairly mild well into the evening. My optimism sunk around 7pm when I had to dig into the second half of the stash. They didn't stop and they kept coming in huge groups. Normally I would be thinking "what a cute little kitty," or "that sure is a scary vampire". This time I was only grumbling about my dwindling cache. I think we have about five mini-candies left. Good think those Kit-Kats break in half easy, otherwise Robin would definitely be on the short end of that deal.

Now it is day eleven of an eleven day diet. As of early yesterday, I had lost 7.5 pounds. Part of me wants to see if I can gain it all back in the following three days. I think I have a good menu mapped out to do it primarily made up of sugar and cheese sandwiches on white Wonder bread. Ideally, they suggest to do the diet for eleven days, cheat for three, then start another eleven. The claim is that the three-day break actually helps your body break fat down faster in the next set of eleven. Like I said, I am pretty sure I will need more than a three-day break to willingly put another bowl of cottage cheese in front of me.

G

Movin' on Up?

Since I have proved to be so prolific and accomplished at this whole blogging thing, I am coming to the decision that it may be time to force myself up a level or two and jump into the realm of podcasting. Gimme a couple weeks. I gotta get the home equity loan so I can turn our little bathroom or maybe the wife's closet into a sound recording studio.

**Tangent Alert** Please pause here while I check out www.meebo.com at the suggestion of a friend. A site which allows you to log into your IM accounts (AIM, Yahoo, MSN, Jabber) through a browser window and chat with others online without the use of individual apps. Should definitely come in handy while in Europe over the holidays. **End Tangent Alert**

So, as far as the podcasting goes, here are some things to look forward to. It will surely be more focused than Tangent Boy has been. I won't mention the topic here right now, but if you know me personally, you get 3 guesses (you won't need 2 of them). It will involve more people than myself on a regular basis. It won't be nearly as good as any other podcast out there.

Stay tuned. Until then, maybe i'll fill this blog with more journalesque "today I felt melancholy as I wathced the autumn leaves fall to the ground" type stuff... Maybe not.

G

Time Waster, Extraordinaire

Yes, I know it has been a long time since my last post. But, what did you expect? I am a confessed slacker, and a pretty good one at that. Allow me to illustrate...

Do you remember a good while back when I had a run-in with Taco Bell? Well, I got online and filed a complaint explaining that my order had been wrong. As expected, I soon received a letter from the corporate office apologizing for the mistake and offering me a free entree of my choice.

I was very excited to take this powerful document down to the location of the infraction and get my free Nacho's BellGrande (sans meat of course), but first, I wanted to share my victory over "the MAN" with the world. I eventually took a picture of myself with the letter and planned on posting an entry here before cashing it in. Well, the slacker in me took over and I procrastinated. I took so long, in fact, the the letter expired. No Nachos for me. To make up for it, I made sure to use a Q-Doba 2-for-1 coupon on THE DAY it expired. I feel better.

G

The Library of a Dork

Like most people, there is a nightstand next to my bed. On this nightstand, like most people, I regularly keep the book I am currently reading. Right now, however, there is not one, but 5 books which are all either waiting to be finished or started (not to mention the steady stream of plastic-bagged comic books).

First, there is "Life of Pi" by Yann Martel. I wish I could say I am reading this because it is my favorite book, that I have read it 2 times already, and that I have found it to be life-changing. Sadly, I can only say that I will be reading it because my wife is forcing me to. She is claiming, however, that it will change my life and become my favorite. We'll see. I tried to pick it up a few weeks ago late at night and was unconscious before I was done with the second page.

Next comes "Play Poker Like the Pros" by Phil Helmuth. I can't stand the guy, or at least the bratty persona he displays in televised poker tournaments. The book is fairly well-written and is occassionally informative, however, it just sits there till I suffer a bad beat in our little weekly no-limit hold-em tournament. Then I will come home early and reread the section on no-limit hold-em for the twelfth time hoping to glean some new nugget of wisdom that will make me impervious to the dreaded "suck-out" (I swear this is a harmless poker term).

There is at least one Fodor's European travel book. We are heading to London, Paris, and Amsterdam for the holidays this year. It will be my first trip overseas, so I am studying up early. I seriously wish I could make a living out of planning my own vacations.

Not to be forgotten is "Pizza: A Slice of Heaven : The Ultimate Pizza Guide and Companion." This is filled with great stories by famous writers and celebrities about their favorite pizza, as well as regional listings for great pie.

Lastly, there is a book I won't go into much detail about here. I snagged it from "the Mrs." after she read it for her book club. Let's just say that it is more suited for the husbands and significant others of the book club girls, although the ladies themselves are sure to benefit from the contents of the book. Of course, it is nothing that I need. It's just nice to have around in case, well, just in case.

You would think that with all of these selections I would be reading every night and the stack would be dwindling. Unfortunately this is not the case and the stack is just gathering dust. This is due to my need to bump them all to the bottom of the list for at least a month or two while I re-aquaint myself with a collection of obscure books about a young wizard boy. I hesitate to give the specific name for fear that everyone will discover it and jump on the bandwagon.

Don't worry. It's not like I was in line at a bookstore last Friday night with a lightning bolt painted on my forehead. Nor did I grab a the book while shopping at Safeway the next day. In fact, I still don't have my copy of the new book and it is a full FOUR DAYS later. No need to stress though, the Amazon order is in.

While I wait for the delivery, I decided to back up and read the previous two books, as I am sure there is stuff I missed the last two times I read them. If I go slow enough I won't have to reread them all again to prepare for the new movie coming out in November...

By Popular Demand... or Bat-Blog!!

By Popular Demand...

I am only doing this because it has been requested by many that I post my feelings on the new Batman movie. I resisted, knowing that it would only further reveal how much of a dork I am, but I think that people are probably suggesting this so I will stop talking to them about it. That may be true, but I doubt it.

It was in the fall of 1987 that I was truly introduced to Batman. Of course I knew the TV show and had read a few comics. I had watched Batman and Robin solve mysteries with the Scooby gang and get along with everyone on the Justice League. I had worn the Underoos and watched my mom and her best friend swap responsibilities of wearing the hard plastic Batman helmet while driving my family's old VW bus on road trips when my Dad was away. I later learned that none of this was Batman.

In the fall of 1987 I was 18 and a freshman in college. My girlfriend from high school, who was attending the same university and living in the dorm building next door to mine, had just broken up with me for the first time. I was pretty bummed out and spending my weekend nights in my dorm listening to the college radio station and boiling hot dogs in a hot pot. On Friday nights there was a radio game show with in-studio contestants. It was primarily a trivia thing, and if the in-studio guest couldn't answer they went to phone lines. Well, on one particular Friday night I called in and answered a question correctly and was told my prize - a collection of "Adult Comic Books". Adult comic books....? You mean, cartoon PORN?!! WOOHOO! OK, I wasn't really THAT excited, but I was intrigued.

I went to the station a few days later to claim my loot and was handed a stack of "graphic novels for mature readers". The two highlights were Alan Moore's Watchmen and Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns. I think I read the latter twice in that day alone. I told you already, I had been dumped and was living in a dorm. What else was there?

The Dark Knight was not the Batman I had grown up with. This had meat and darkness to it and I loved it. This Batman wasn't breaking up theatrical bank robberies in broad daylight or doing the "Batusi", he was keeping to the shadows and brutally beating on psychopathic killers. Later, Frank MIller went back and explored the beginning of Batman's career with Batman: Year One, which became clear reference material for this summer's movie.

Not long after The Dark Knight Returns came the two Tim Burton movies which, although they were dark, didn't get it quite right. For one, we don't really see how or why he became Batman. For another, the Joker died at the end. How can you have an arch-enemy that is dead after the first encounter? Penguin? Same thing. Catwoman? Let's not go there. Next came Joel Shumacher's movies which were trying too hard to be the cartoony TV series from the 60's with the exception of the fact that he killed off 3 more classic villains and made a mockery of one of the better bad guys from "recent" Bat-history, Bane.

Eight years later they restart the Bat-franchise with a whole new approach. With Batman Begins, Christopher Nolan has made a dark hero grounded in reality. Realistic people in a realistic corrupt city using realistic technology. I loved it. It was the movie I had been waiting for. I could go on about all the major parts that made it an almost perfect package, but you can get that in the hundreds of real reviews in magazines, papers, and online. Apparently BB is the "best reviewed" movie of the year so far, which means that of all the published reviews for the film, it has the highest percentage of positive reviews. They say "not only is it a great comic book movie, it's a great movie."

I suppose I can agree with that, but I am quite a bit biased. I love it because it is SO true to the comic book, especially in the little details. I also love how even some of the major Bruce Wayne/Batman "knowns" are fleshed out beyond the comics instead of glossed over. In many movie adaptations of books (comic or otherwise) character development can be truncated for time. In several places this film dives deeper than than any of the pages I have read.

Ok, for those who have not seen the movie I will now give you the standard SPOILER WARNING. Do not read further if you don't want to know anything about the movie before seeing it.

I now present "a few my favorite parts of Batman Begins that haven't been mentioned in every other review in the world"....

Mr. Zsaz. In the comic books this guy is a cold-blooded killer that keeps track of his kills by cutting himself for each victim. He cameos in a couple scenes in the movie as a killer for the mob and you can just barely see the self-inflicted scars creeping out of the collar of his shirt.

Bruce Wayne travels the globe to learn how to combat crime. We know this in the books, but we don't really know how or why he made this decision. In the movie, mob boss Carmine Falcone inadvertently plants the idea in Bruce's head that he needs to go far away from Gotham to prepare and that when he begins his war on crime, he can't do it as Bruce Wayne.

Batman refuses to use guns and will not kill. Now, this is a pretty mature decision for a 10-year-old to make and we never learn in the comics as to how he came to this commitment. In the movie, we learn that initially Bruce is bent on revenge by killing Joe Chill upon being paroled. When he is denied this act and later reveals his plan to Rachel, she lets him have it and reminds him how disappointed his father would be. A lot of people dislike the Rachel Dawes character (played by Katie Holmes) and thought she was useless as a "love interest". Now, I am no big fan of Katie Holmes, and I agree there was no need for a love interest, but I think she played a valuable role in the development of Bruce Wayne's character. But that's just me, and I am only a geek fan-boy.

There. I did it. I blogged about Batman. Is that good enough for you? Hopefully I can tuck the comic book geek in me away for a while. At least till I see Batman Begins on the IMAX or Superman Returns is released.

G

P.S. Howie Movshovitz, the film critic for Colorado Public Radio is a moron and should lock himself in his home with nothing but Fellini films. For crying out loud, he disliked this movie (the best reviewed movie of 2005 so far) AND Return of the King (the big Oscar winner for its year). Seriously. Howie. Give it up. I actually only know of your dislike of these movies from the reports of others as I cannot stand the sound of your voice and turn off the radio when you come on.

Let's Not Forget...

First off, welcome to "ShawnIsCool" and "Milpool", brand new contributors to Tangent Boy. Apparently, I cannot keep up with the rigorous schedule of posting random ramblings on a consistent basis so I recruited others to assist. I didn't just grab just anyone off the cyber-street, mind you. Both of these fine minds were present when I was first named Tangent Boy on a late summer day almost 10 years ago.

Next, I would like to append just a couple entries to the previous posting, ShawinIsCool's first. Although it is forgivable, he did forget B is for Bell (the), as has already been discusssed previously on this blog. In case you have been biting your nails and waiting on the edge of your seat for an update to that story, fret not. It will be online quite soon. Oh, it is very exciting.

B is also for Birthday, and today is Milpool's. Bon Anniversaire!

G

What a Load of Poop!

WARNING: This post contains mention of certain bodily functions dealing with the removal of waste. It's not too graphic, but I though I should warn you just the same.

Please allow me a brief rant. Have you seen this commecial where a guy is mountain biking in the middle of nowhere when he realizes he is about to be hit with a case of the runs? We are then taken inside his body where we see his internal command crew panicking (think of the inside the man's body during a date segment of Woody Allen's "Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex..."). The crew then sends up the order to take Imodium, which the guy conveniently has stashed in his pack. I assume he takes it, and next he just bikes off all better.

Now, I don't know about you, but when I get the feeling that I have diarrhea, it isn't like "hmmm, I think I may have the runs in an hour so I should take something to stop it." I usually become aware of the situation when it is "on deck" and all ready for blast-off. There is nothing in the world that can make it actually reverse course. I guess that is why, if it were me in the commercial, when I open my pack the camera wouldn't show a centrally placed bottle of Imodium, full and just waiting to come to the rescue. The camera would show a full roll of TP with lotion that I stole from my brother's travel supply.

That's what they need to do! Stop running the commercial right now, sell it to Charmin who will reshoot just enough to make it a much more realistic spot for toilet paper. I am not saying that Imodium doesn't work or is a bad product. In fact, I just went to their site and they earned big "brownie" points (hee hee), for having a Restroom Shuffle game. I just think that the scene they created was too unbelievable for me.

Ok, I am done. I just get mad when advertisers assume we are idiots. I now return you to your regularly scheduled, doodoo-free blogging.

Get Off the Bus Back to Beelzebub

It’s time for a new music recommendation. I just got my hands on the new album from Mike Doughty, the former front man of Soul Coughing. The album is called Haughty Melodic and I have probably listened to it 8 times in the 5 days I have had it. In a word that is followed by another word… love it.

S.C. was one of my favorite groups before breaking up about 4 years ago. I can’t really describe them. They were very unique and I can’t even think of anyone to compare them to. I really didn’t know what to expect with Doughty’s solo work and I felt I was taking a little risk with blindly ordering the CD although I heard a bit of an acoustic performance on NPR a week or so ago. Historically speaking, I just haven’t had a lot of luck with solo efforts from members of favorite bands.

Police = HOT
Early solo Sting = luke-warm
Recent solo Sting = not even worth a comment
KISS, pre-Unmasked = I can Rock-n-Roll All Nite
Solo albums from Gene, Paul, Ace, Peter = flush all four in the Ladies Room

10,000 Maniacs = good
Natalie Merchant solo = not so good

The Smiths = good
Morrisey = ok, at times, but the times are few

Go Gos = they got the beat
Belinda = wished she would go back to the drugs

I am sure that in all of these cases I didn’t like the solo projects because they differed too much from the style I loved in the band. In the case of Mike Daughty: Haughty Melodic, I don’t miss Soul Coughing. Don’t get me wrong, I still love the S.C. albums, and Doughty’s new work is very different. But, in a way, it isn’t. There are no obscure cartoon music samples, no thumping stand-up bass, very little (if any) synth or keyboards. In fact, the musical arrangements can be considered quite “traditional”. You’ll hear a lot of acoustic guitar, some drums, an occasional piano. The similarities all seem to come from what I have learned is the most important instruments, Doughty’s voice, lyrics, and delivery. I know this probably means nothing for people who have never heard Soul Coughing, but, for many of the fans, I think it’s all there. For me, I can now get off the bus. My white Lexus has come.

G

Praise Be to the Glory of Fluff

A recent trip out east to Florida netted me a full tub of Fluff™, that sweet stomach spackle. Sometimes, there is nothing better than a the combination of pure, white, Wonder bread with a healthy smear of Jif, followed by a coat of Fluff marshmallow cream. Don't even try to trick me with that brand-name crap. I am a Fluffernutter™ man to the very end. Oh what I would do for a big glass of milk right now...

In addition to great sammiches, we vegetarians can use the Fluff to make Rice Krispy Treats, since it doesn't contain gelatin like regular marshmallows.

In case you haven't noticed. My stomach has absolutely no intention of ever growing up past 13. Say, that reminds me. To whatever marketing genius convinced the powers-that-be to add more melba toast to the bag of Gardetto's, I salute you. You are a god among men.

G

Play to WIN!

I have spent the past few days playing one of my favorite computer games. Sadly, I only play this game once a year. When I do play it though, it takes up days. It uses both sides of my brain and leaves my intelligence exhausted when it is over. If you win, you get PAID. Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. If you lose, well, you lose... money. Sometimes a little, sometimes a LOT.

I LOVE HR BLOCK'S TAXCUT!!

Gimme an R!
Gimme an E!
Gimme an F!
Gimme a U!
Gimme an N!
Gimme a D!
What does that spell?
REFUND REFUND REFUND


I think I need some sleep, but i'll get to that AFTER I get to Level 5, the Retreat of the Tax Credits.

G

P.S. (TurboTax aint so bad either)

The Birth of a Slacker

Can it be? Only a week and a half and I have already run out of things to say. Dang, this is hard. I feel like I have to write at least 2 essays a week or I will get an "F" in my imaginary Blogging 101 class. I certainly may get an "F" anyway for my miserable writing skills, but I swear I won't let it be due to not turning in my assignments.

Speaking of not turning in an assignment, can you believe that in college I once completely blew off a paper I was supposed to write for an Art History final? Actually, I am sure you can believe that. Well, can you believe I still got a "B+" for the class? HA! I knew I would get you with that one.

Here's the deal. I was in the Graphic Design program at my university (go Dawgs!). This was my next-to-last semester and I was taking two classes in the program and one Art History class. When the end of the semester approached I had 2 major projects due as well as the final paper. I just couldn't find the time between my projects, going out dancing, working the front desk at the Ramada Inn, watching Star Trek, and going out drinking, to research and write the paper which would act as my final exam. The day the paper was due was the same day both design prjects were due, so they continued to get all my attention.

I think I was convinced that after I finished the projects I wold still have a few hours to fake out a paper and at least get a "C-" or a "D". At about 2 or 3am, when my projects were complete, I simply gave up, decided to consider the paper a lost cause, and just go home to sleep.

A few weeks later it was summer and grades were sent home. I made sure I was there visiting my father, so I could intercept the almost-certain "F". When they arrived, I was shocked to see an "I" instead of an "F". "I"? What the heck does "I" mean? Took me 10 seconds to get it. INCOMPLETE. Woohoo!!

Upon returning to school, I had to go see the professor to find out why in the world did he give me an incomplete, and what I could do to get a real grade. Well, it seems he was a little disgruntled. Thankfully, he was upset with the school and not me. I guess they weren't renewing his position or something, so he was being shown the door at the end of the summer. He had me write and turn in a new paper that was about 1/5th the size of the one I was supposed to do earlier. I threw it together in a week and turned it in. I doubt he even glanced at it before giving me a sweet grade and then turning the lights out in his basement office for the last time.

Thanks to him, I am cursed to be a slacker for the rest of my life.

G

(P.S. Actually, this was certainly not my first incident of slacking-off, it was just the one that surely clinched it.)

Dissed by the Bell

"Fire in the Disco. Fire in the... Taco Bell."*

Well, I say burn Taco Bell, burn.

As a junk food vegetarian I love "the Bell." I make far too frequent runs to the border for it to be gastronomically safe. At one time I half-joked that it would be cool to have a table of TB bean burritos at my wedding reception. This was, of course, before I actually was faced with planning the actual event. At this point I was forced to make it a full joke.

When I was 11 years old in the hospital and still on a liquid diet after having semi-major kidney surgery (no worries, I still have it), the doctor asked me what my favorite meal was. I told him Taco Bell tacos (not a vegetarian till 25) and Dr. Pepper. He then informed me that he would get me that meal as soon as I produced a solid "movement" (can you believe it took me 5 posts to make my first mention of poo?). Needless to say, I worked very hard and was eating the tacos the next day.

A very fond memory from my college days involved the planning and executing of a day off from classes so I could stuff myself with tacos and burritos and then go see the very first showing of the first Batman movie on opening day by myself.

When my brother and I briefly shared an apartment post-college (I doubt he will ever be post-college), I learned he really loved me when I was extremely hung-over and he offered to go out to get Taco Bell for breakfast (1:30pm).

All this is just to say, the Bell and I go way back, and we go way-deep. That is why when they wrong me, it hurts just as deeply.

Today I was down. Not in a happy place. It's hard to say why. I'm just glum. I needed a pick-me-up. I needed gooey beans and cheese. I needed a Nachos Supreme (mmmmmm cheese sauce...). So, I left the office and drove the 12 minutes to the closest TB, walked in, and placed my order. As always, I specified that I wanted "no meat" on my Nachos Supreme. She even repeated it back to me, so, I figured that was enough and I didn't need to double-check before heading back to work with my food. Stupid me.

Sure enough, back at my desk, I open the nachos and they are covered in meat and there are no beans to be found. I promptly got online and complained on the corporate web site. Thankfully I had also ordered a burrito, otherwise I would be ticked off and still hungry. Mmmmmmm tasty burrito...

Oh Taco Bell, I can't stay mad at you. You better treat me right tomorrow.

G

* Quoted from "Danger! High Voltage" by Electric Six, the greatest novelty-metal-disco band you will ever hear. They happen to be appearing live in Denver at the Larimer Lounge on April 10th. See you there!

Enough is Enough!

I am sick and tired of telling you over and over. If you don't own this cd (or collection of legally downloaded audio files), go get it. The Postal Service: Give Up has been my #1 for two years now. Whenever one of the songs randomly comes up on my iPod I am forced to go back and listen to the whole album from beginning to end. For crying out loud, do I have to hit you with a shovel?

Oh, the Humanity! The Injustice!

If I, Tangent Boy, am nothing else, I am a man of my word... I think. Yesterday's post closed with me mentioning that today I might talk about pizza. Well, the events of a just-completed lunch have made that self-suggested topic very easy to fufill.

Let's get something straight. I love pizza. I have, on more than one occassion gone 7 days in a row with having one form of pizza or another (frozen, homemade, delivery, counter slices, leftovers, etc.) each day. I know that loving pizza is not an uncommon thing, In fact, I have surrounded myself with friends who love pizza almost as much as I.

On Thurdays, a small group of us meet at Anthony's Pizza & Pasta in the Denver Tech Center area. Anthony's is a small chain here in the Denver area that, for a few of us, is the benchmark for great New York style pizza. I have had true NY style pie in NYNY that didn't live up to a good, large, foldable, greasy slice from Anthony's. Through almost 10-years of switching careers and neighborhoods we have enjoyed this pizza at one location or another. It is home for our pizza-loving stomachs.

Our normal procedure is to walk in, each order a couple of big slices and some cokes, consume said products, BS about the usual stuff, put off going back to work till the last minute, and then part ways. For the past two weeks though, we have witnessed horrible cruelty that has prevented us from truly relaxing and enjoying our meal. Instead we wind up leaving emotionally scarred, confused, insecure, and tense. I actually hope someone out there in the blogosphere can offer us some advice.

So, here's the lowdown...

On our last two visits to Anthony's we have been in mid-munching. The slices are good and greasy, folded up, and tasting great. One of us then notices something a little off at another table. At first it just looks like any empty, messy table yet to be cleaned for the next patron. Then you notice the problem. THERE IS STILL PIZZA LEFT OVER!! I am not talking about a slice or two from a small pie. I am talking about an extra large, 18", 8-slice, half-table covering pizza pie that has only 3 slices missing. 5 SLICES LEFT!! Each one of these slices can make up 2-3 "normal-sized" slices. This is a boatload of pizza. And the people that were sitting there are GONE.

At this point we start looking at each other like someone is playing a joke. Then we say "Oh, they must be in the bathroom," and watch to the restroom doors for the next 5 minutes to see the "owner" of the pizza to emerge and resume their meal. This of course doesn't happen, and the debate begins between the 3 pizza dorks.

#1: "Should we?"

#2: "I dare you."

#3: "Dude, don't do it. You could never show your face around here if you do."

#1: "What?! It's not like taking it out of the trash."

#3: "It's the principle of it."

#1: "What principle?! THEY left a whole FREAKING pizza! You never leave a slice behind! All they had to do was ask for a box."

#1: "Why order a whole pie if that is all you can eat?"

#2: "Is there a camera watching us?"

#3: "You gonna grab it?"

#2: "No, but someone might think it's hilarious that we are stressing about some pizza."

#1: "Ok, what if, when the guy comes to clean the table, we offer to give him 2 bucks to take it back and bring it back boxed up."

#3: "You mean pay someone so I can embarrass myself? NO."

#2: "Well, do you want that pizza?"

#1: "Yes."

#3: "Yes."

#2: "I thought so. Me too."

#1: "How bout this? We kinda know the owner. I mean, he knows we are in here every week. He knows we love the pizza. What if we ask him 'hypothetically' how he feels about someone taking someone else's leftovers? We can say it with a smile and make it sound like we are kind of goofing off."

#3: "Ok, what if he's against it?"

#1: "No harm. We were just joking around."

#3: "What if he laughs and says 'no problem'?"

#2: "Ask him for a box."

#1: "Oh my god! Look at it! How can we just let it sit there?"

#2: "I know. I know."

#3: "You know what? I am geting too old to be scared of something like this. I'm gonna grab it."

#1: "Really?! Go."

#2: "Yeah. Go. Go now."

#3: "Hold on."

#1: "Go man. Go."

#3: "Hold ON!"

#1: "Oh forget it. I'm gonna be late for a meeting."

#2: "We are such losers..."

-- Then we exit to the parking lot --

#2: "Ok, I got it. From now on we bring mini disguises. Hat, dark glasses, etc. When it happens again, one of us goes to the bathroom, puts on the disguise, comes back to the leftover pizza, sits down by it for a minute and then takes it up to be boxed."

#1: "Perfect. You go first next week."

So, here is how you help us out. What would you do? These aren't half-eaten slices. This is food that has not yet been touched by human hands since emerging from the kitchen. And remember, we love it so very much. Also, just so you have the right picture in your head, all of us are fairly trim guys(all under 190). We aren't going to stuff our faces right there. Anthony's heats up as a great snack or lunch the next day.

Please hurry. Next Thursday's lunch is just 166 hours away.

G

The Stink Twins and a Suited Pair

I realize that I just started this blog thingy just yesterday, but you should all be aware by now of the empahsis my weekly poker game has on my life. I mean, I did mention it as one of the things you are sure to see me blab on about from time to time. Well, now is one of those times.

First, a little intro. A core group of friends started playing Texas Hold'Em together about 4 years ago (I'd like to think before the big craze hit). We would only play once every 3 weeks I think, and we would try to rotate around to different houses so no one person was over-burdened with hosting duties. This core group started with about 6 people, and gradually expanded to about 10 or 11 by last year at this time. Then the "SkankHouse" was born. I will leave the story of the SkankHouse for another time (BIG tangent), but just understand that it gave us a chance to play every week without debating who will host. It also let us increase the amount of players, which is where this particular story comes in. Once we had space to add players, several members of the group invited some "tangent" players (like that?). Some of these new players invited a few others. So, now we have a semi-regular stable of players that hovers around 20-25 on most weeks.

Now, we were once told by a newcomer that ours was the most "Christian" poker game he had ever been to. This is not to say that the loser of a hand must read a Bible verse, or that if you were caught in a bluff it was grounds for expulsion from the game and you were damned to hell for at least a decade. This newbie was simply noting that there was no smoking of any kind inside, and that 90% of the players were drinking nothing harder than bottled water and the occassional generic black cherry soda from Safeway.

Some of these new players have not yet caught on to our clean-living ways. Some show up with six packs of tasty, spendy micro-brews. Some arrive lugging suitcases of what is considered to be the monarchy of barley pops, and a couple just walk in gripping a couple 40oz. "tallboys" of what I consider to be cold, fermented urine. These are the two guys I get stuck sitting between later in the game. I now call them the Stink Twins.

These are two VERY tangent players that just started playing with us about a month ago. They are loose friends of friends of friends. Both show up every week half-pickled and half-baked (mmmmmmmmmmmm baked pickles). Both bring nasty, smelly dip cups to the table. Both are big talkers. Stinky 1 blabs about how he plays poker "up the hill" in Black Hawk 3 or 4 times a week and 5 games at a time online. Tonight, however, he has added the topic of how much seafood he ate before coming to play. Stinky 2 is always just so happy and polite to the point of being obsequious, and he has the habit of making a little mumbled comment at every flip of a card.

Be warned, here is where the poker geek talk may start.
http://www.blackjack-strategycard.com/poker_terminology.htm

OK, so it is late in the tournament. We have gone from two full tables to one table with about 5 players left. The top 4 will get paid from the overall pot of buy-ins. Stinky 1 has just gotten knocked out but doesn't use the oppportunity to be quiet and let the remaining players compete in peace. Instead, he decides to taunt his just-as-drunk buddy by letting loose some pungent seafood and beer farts and wave them at Stinky 2. Remember, I AM BETWEEN THEM. Stinky 2 is just too drunk or into his game (doubtful) to notice or care. He also doesn't notice the little beer burps that keep escaping his lips as he continues his own form of rambling. It just seems that they keep escaping when he turns in my direction. So, while the space behind me smells like a porta-potty, the area in front of me smells like a dumpster of rotten pizza. Still I trudge on.

In the midst of this noxious cloud there still the rages the "Battle of the Bubble." On the way from 9 players to 5, I was able to build up my measly stack from being short-stacked to about middle. As I said, we have 5 players left. They include myself and 2 other "core" members, 1 second-tier member, and Stinky 2, who I consider to be about tier 5 or 6 (the tiers refer to their degree of separation from the core group, not their playing ability). When one more person gets knocked out everyone remaining will be "in-the-money" and at least get their buy-in back, if not more.

So Stinky 2 is dealing and I am the small blind. "Holy Sheet" (the nickname for a good friend and core member) is first to act and goes all-in pre-flop. "T-Bone" folds, as does Stinky 2. I take a peek at my hole cards and see a pair of Jacks, so I call the all-in (I still have some chips leftover). The big blind folds so it is now heads-up and HS and I flip our cards. He has 77 against my JJ. Now Stinky 2 has to wake up and deal the community cards. The first card Stinky 2 shows for the flop is a 7, followed by a Queen and I think a 4. Everyone howls and I think I am about to take a beating. Next another Q. On the turn, Stinky 2 shows another J, which would mean I win with a full house of 3 Js and 2 Qs. I am about to joyfully rake my money when one of the players who is already out looks at all the cards and says "Hey, why is there a suited pair of 7s?".

Sure enough, Holy Sheet had a 7 of hearts in his hand and another on the board. It then became apparent that Stinky 2 had been dealing the community cards from the deck that I had just finished shuffling for the next hand. NOT the one we were playing this hand with. In a sign of true friendship, Stinky 1 starts yelling at #2 "You fu¢#ing idiot!! What a moron!!" and commences another round of fart-waving. We promptly re-play the flop-river with the right deck and I take it legitimately with a 10-A straight. I made it on to take 3rd in the tourney, with Stinky 2 stumbling his way into second. Grrrrrr.

Next week I bring the filtered breathing mask I used to clean the asbestos out of my basement and I load up twice as much on the pre-poker meal of bean burritos, so I have some ammo of my own.

I realize this is a VERY anti-climactic post. So much build-up with nothing for a payoff. I am sorry, but that is what Tangent Boy does. Maybe tomorrow I will talk about pizza. I love pizza.

G

Welcome to Tangent Boy!

Tangent Boy is me. A fella that can't seem to stay on track with a topic for too long. I try to make it back to the original topic eventually, but sometimes it is very difficult to leave conversational breadcrumbs. I will try to stay on topic for at least one complete post. No promises though.

On any given day you may see me rant or just wax fondly about the things that REALLY matter to me and make me smile -- pizza, my regular "home" poker game, geek toys (think iPod & TiVo), comic books, cocktails with friends, burritos, music, cooking vegetarian food, movies, eating vegetarian food, trips to Vegas, etc.

Based on this description, I realize that those who know me may have a one question...

Q: "You neglected to mention your lovely wife. Does she not make you smile?"
A: Don't be silly. She is by far the greatest thing in my life. It's just that I don't like sleeping on the couch, so I don't share MOST of the silly stories about her with the virtual masses.

Don't come here expecting me to impart any grand opinions on politics or religion. It's not my style, and besides, there is already plenty of that on the internet. I know you might say there is already plenty of goofy individuals running on about any inane topic that pops into their head. You are right. As of today there is plenty plus one.

Now, if I do happen to bring up some political or religious topic, you can expect my input to be quite brief. For example, I might say something as profound and completely heartfelt as "war is bad." Whatever you do, please don't expect me to carry on some big debate about it. Just say to yourself, "hey, now I know that he thinks war is bad."

OK then. Let's get this thing rolling.

G